Is There Forgiveness After Abortion?

Forgiveness
Creative Commons License photo credit: jonathanrperkins
Many man and women asked themselves this question countless times. You may have been told countless times that forgiveness is possible. You know that on intellectual level, yet in the depths of your heart you have doubts – “Will I ever find forgiveness?”, you wonder…

This forgiveness that you are searching for, is a complicated and some times lengthy process. During this process you will need to find forgiveness from God, forgiveness from your child and of course you will have to forgive yourself. This journey is not easy and certainly is unique for every one. While many may have walked a similar journey, no one really was “wearing your shoes”. For some pieces of the puzzle fall into places rather quickly. For others it takes long time and good amount of internal struggle.

In the upcoming weeks we will publish several articles that will delve into this process forgiveness. We don’t pretend to offer an “bulletproof” answer that would suit every single person. However we hope that our readers will help us along the way by sharing their experience and testifying that you are not alone on this path.

In our first series we will be focusing on God’s forgiveness as we will walk you through some examples from the Holy Scriptures. If you are already a regular visitor to our website, we invite you to participate in the comments- good can use you and what you have experienced to help and heal other people. If this is your first time to our website, make sure to subscribe so you will not miss our future posts.

49 thoughts on “Is There Forgiveness After Abortion?

  1. Pingback: Forgiveness After Abortion: Rediscovering God And Growing Relationship With Him

  2. Jason

    I have a question. I know a person who had an abortion. I have a hard time accepting people who have had this because it’s murdering your own child. I do like her as a person but is it wise to pursue any kind of relationship with that person because of my problems?

  3. admin Post author

    Jason,

    If you love her you should learn how to forgive her. The choice that she made to have an abortion was not a simple one and she might be suffering and even regretful. The last thing she needs is to tell her how horrible of a choice she made. She needs love and forgiveness. Can you offer her both?

  4. jason

    I know I know. It’s just that I was brought up my whole life having been taught this was a sin of the worst kind and the worst thing you could ever do to someone. All that said, she’s a wonderful person. Intelligent, fun, loving, supportive, and beautiful. Yes I could offer her both. I don’t know if I could right now because God is working some things out in me right now that I need to get rid of on this subject. I could be her friend. My personal belief is that friendship is love. The american idea of love is a fairy tale, lovey dovey all the time, cinderella story is a bunch of crap. True love is sacrifice and giving up your life for the one you love. Problems only make you both stronger and more committed to one another if you indeed have true love.

  5. Beth

    I had an abortion one year ago….it was the biggest mistake of my life and i still do not know how i made that decision. It is unlike me..all i ever wanted was a family so i dont know how i choose this. My boyfriends was with me for over 11 years and there was love,….we didnt get along and he cheated repeatedly and he was depressed but he did love me. When i found out i was pregnant i told him and he left to go be with the other woman and her three kids. He asked me not to do it…but i had no job, barely any money, and there was no heartbeat. YOu may be saying oh well than….but the when i went in for the procedure ..there was one. The doctor said he could not explain it that something was wrong…and i choose to believe him.. Every friend and even my sister told me to do it, to cut all ties with my ex….that i didnt need him coming and going from my life. And I argued that regardless of him…this was my baby..and all i ever wanted…..but i gave in..I was weak and depressed and let my feelings overwhelm me….i was 30..its not like i was 18…i knew better! And now i cant do anything expect force myself everyday not to kill myself….my Ex is now married to that woman and will not even talk to me….first he said it was ok…than when i wouldnt take him back i was the most horrible person in the world….I dont want forgivness i dont deserve it.

  6. admin Post author

    Jason,

    To me the true love was expressed on the cross when Christ died for us…. and we should model our love according that example.

    I believe that in God’s eyes every relationship is precious and to be honest he puts people in our lives not because we they need us but because we need them.

    Many women who have gone through an experience of abortion have felt abandoned by every one, but for most by their boyfriends. Love does not abandon.

    I know Good will do some wonderful work through you.

  7. admin Post author

    Beth,

    Every one deserves forgiveness and love, and so do you. In fact you have been forgiven already it may just take longer for you to understand it. Thank you for your comment.

  8. Jason

    Hi Beth, well I know you may be surprised to hear this from me but killing yourself will not vindicate anything. My faith in God tells me that he loves everyone and forgives by his grace. God has not turned his face away from you. The child was his creation and he has the power to forgive you. I know, again, this must sound weird coming from me because of what I said above but everyone has problems. Me included. Your sin may be strong but Romans 5:20 says “But where sin increased, grace increased all the more” and it goes on to say in Romans 8:38-39 ” And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[o] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Please accept my humble apology for my offensive comments if I have hurt you in any way. No one has any right to judge anyone for anything. There is hope for your life. Great hope that you can’t even imagine. God’s arms are open to you and so are mine. I’m so sorry for what happened. We feel hopeless and that drives us to make terrible decisions. You don’t have to feel guilty anymore. As a matter of fact, the friends that encouraged you to do it share in this too. Those are not true friends. Surround yourself with people who love you. Your ex will pay the price that is coming to him and it’s far worse than anything you could do to him. Please do not harm yourself in anyway as it will only hurt you and the people you love. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. Beth

    You know I tell everyone i have met…new boyfriends, friends, co-workers….at first i didnt know why…but i think i want them to hate me…to tell me what a horrible person i am…so i can be validated in my decision. Does that make sense? I want them to see me how i see myself….but all i get is support and “that must have been a very difficult decision”. I dont deserve that….My ex (the father) told me i was a horrible horrible person and that what everyone saw was a lie….and i feel hes right… so i am honest 100 % upfront ….but people still are my friends and guys still want to date me? I dont understand?

  10. Jason

    Beth, I think this is rather unusual for you to be confused why people like you. Don’t question it. It’s a good thing. They may not be agreeing with what you did but they sympathize with the situation and how a person could come to that decision now a days. You want a guy who doesn’t agree with abortion but won’t judge you for having done it either. As awkward as that may sound it’s true. I don’t have to tell you of the significance abortion has on someone. Have you asked God to forgive you? Has he forgiven you? If so, there’s no more discussion about it. It’s a done deal. The matter is settled with him if you have repented and asked forgiveness. The next step is to forgive yourself and that is going to take time. Sympathy doesn’t mean they accept abortion but they do accept you. Do not get involved with anyone until you truly have forgiven yourself. If you haven’t yet, you will look to the guy to make you feel good about yourself and that will strain the relationship too much. I”m talking from experience here. Please email me at jbarrett81@ymail.com or look me up on facebook. I’d like to stay in contact with you. I think maybe I can help.

  11. admin Post author

    Beth,

    What you are feeling is not unusual. It is normal considering what you have been though. Many women have experience similar feelings and emotions that you are feeling now.

    Every one makes mistakes. There is no doubt in my mind that you regret deeply the abortion. You have to learn again how to love and forgive yourself.

    Not to be rude but your ex has no right to judge you. None whatsoever!!! At the time you needed him the most, what did he do? That is not how one shows love. Had he stayed with you and offered his support, I doubt you would consider abortion. If anything you should be angry with him, and rightly so.

    People love you and love to be in your company. I hope you can slowly begin to love yourself again. It would be also a good idea to begin talking to your baby. Your baby is waiting to hear from you…

  12. Jason

    Beth, Also. I forgot to mention this but you should find a ministry in your area that helps women who have gone through this. Bonding with people who have gone through what you have gone through and have moved on in their lives can be a great source of hope in your life. Comradery with other women who have had abortions will help you in so many ways. You will find that your life isn’t over. The sun still comes up in the morning and life must go on. Like I said above, contact me. My info is above.

  13. admin Post author

    Beth, if you ever need to talk to some one call 1 800 5WE-CARE – it is the number of National Office of Post Abortion Healing and Reconciliation. Women if the office can help you to get through difficult times and maybe direct you to a local support group.

  14. Jason

    I’m on skype, AIM, and yahoo mail. You can email me at jbarrett81@ymail.com. I’d prefer skype though. I’d really like to have a one on one conversation with you about this because I really believe you need urgent help.

  15. Beth

    no thank you. i saw a woman today who is 37 and a grandmother! here i am 31 and i have nothing

  16. Jason

    I understand. I’m a perfect stranger. Please get some help. Find a local church and a loving pastor who can speak life into your heart and mind. You can’t continue down this road. One life has been lost there doesn’t need to be another. You have to forgive yourself and move on. It comes down to a decision on your part. Will this thing end your life or are you a survivor? Repent to God. He loves you and will forgive you and fill your heart with joy and peace because of his grace. Romans 3:22-26 (New Living Translation) says “We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. 23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. 25 For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, 26 for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus.” Please know that I just want to help you. God loves and wants you to come home to him.

  17. admin Post author

    Beth,

    There is nothing wrong with remembering…. The memory like that brings pain. Some women actually feel abdominal pain coming out of nowhere, some of it may psychosomatic more than a real physical pain. But the spiritual pain can be debilitating as well. The good news is that even “healthy” people feel the “pain” as well.

    By the way if you decide to call 1 800 5WE-CARE you are very likely to end up talking to woman who have been in your shoes. Please give them a try.

    What you are feeling is normal. There are women that lived with the pain of the aftermath of abortion for years and some times decades.

    God is already working withing you.

    Again please consider calling 1 800 5WE-CARE to talk to some one who can understand your pain.

  18. Beth

    I know you think i deserve it, and i thank you for that… but its not that easy. Its not that easy everyday sitting hear, knowing that i should have a 6 month old…its not that easy..that i let my faith wander so far that i did this unspeakable act. Its not that easy knowing that i was so weak and turned my back on my own child…the one person in this world i was suppose to protect. That I let my “feelings” make my decision….I dont even see myself when i look in the mirror…its not the same woman that i use to be. I use to live my life the best i knew how…i stood by my man….and tried really really hard….i did my best to not judge. THere was no decision that i ever regretted cause i made the best at the time….until this…I was so confused and hurt and I just dont know what happen…cause i did pray to God…every night and alot through the day….I just didnt listen….He tried to tell me that i was strong enough…he tried to tell me that he was giving me this gift….and I just …..let it slip away….I know he forgives me…I really do..i feel that he has…i just dont think i deserve it…..I dont know how to forgive myself. I just dont know how…and I’m sorry i dont want to be rude..but i dont want your sympathy..i dont deserve it, I dont want people saying “well look at your situation, look at where you were in your life, look at what you were going through..” cuase you know NONE of that matters…none of that was worth my childs life….What kind of person am i? What kind of mother? What kind of follower? My ex was right….I dont deserve to even live….but I will….I will wake up everyday and live this life. So thank you for your concern but please dont give me any second thought.

  19. Jason

    I understand what you are saying. You don’t want sympathy. You don’t want people to feel sorry for you or condone what you did. That’s understandable. I wouldn’t either. I have a few points regarding your statement.

    First, The act speaks for itself. We don’t need to give it anymore weight than is there already. It’s in the past and there’s nothing we can do to change what happened. However, if God didn’t have hope for your life you would be dead right now. It sounds like you were raised in church or have a strong church background. Sin is a human condition. It is something we all have done. Whose to say that if another person was in your shoes, lived your life, and went through all you have wouldn’t of done the same thing? Yes, the child was innocent but the child is alive in the arms of Jesus. He/she knows no pain or suffering. Only love. You will see them in Heaven.

    Second, I think there is complete deception going on here. What ever caused you to commit this act is the very same thing that causes anyone to sin: the flesh. Your so overwhelmed with torment that you can’t see the overwhelming shower of Grace that God has bestowed on you and is continuing to up to this very moment and in the future. Romans 8:38 says “38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[o] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Did you read that? DEATH NOR LIFE CANNOT SEPARATE YOU FROM THE LOVE OF GOD. God still loves you.

    Thirdly, As the prodigal son was coming home he only wanted to be a servant in his father’s house. That’s what you are wanting to do. Just get by, try to live your life making up for a mistake you made in the past because you think you are not good enough. It is not for you to decide who is good enough and who isn’t. That is God’s job. The father came running to his son and restored him immediately. Regarding your statement ” I know God forgives me”, I don’t believe you really think he does. I can’t relate to you as a man so forgive me but I have done things that are very awful too. God is no respector of persons. I question whether you really do believe God forgave you. Your saying that you cannot forgive yourself says that you cannot accept God’s grace and forgiveness as sufficient. That means that you do not believe in the authority of God to forgive sins against his children. God owns you and he owns your child. If he forgave you then IT IS FINISHED. Jesus said it is finished and the price has been paid. There are several scriptures which say this and I will give them to you at the end of this comment. You may not feel like you should be forgiven but you are not the judge of that. God is. Now you must accept God’s grace, his undeserved favor.

    Forthly, It sounds like a religious spirit is torturing you. This could be from people in your life, church leaders, parents, whomever influenced you as a child. We usually go as far to tell children that they shouldn’t sin but we don’t tell them God’s grace and we condem ourselves by trying to “make up for it” when it is impossible for any sin we commit. Lay it down and accept what Jesus really did for you on the cross. He paid for this sin and if you repented and God forgave you then it is done. Everyone deserves sympathy. That’s why Jesus was tempted so he could sympathize with our struggles (Hebrews 4:15-16). Stop speaking death over yourself and start speaking what God says. Prov 18:21 says “the power of life and death is in the tongue, those who love it will eat in it’s fruit”. Psalm 32 describes David’s condition when he didn’t repent before God but God’s forgiveness took it all away.

    Here are some scriptures regarding the Grace of God that you should read, go to http://www.biblegateway.com and use New Living Translation: Hebrews 10:19-22, Ephesians 2:7-9, Romans 3:21-24, Romans 5:1, Psalm 32:5 (the whole chapter is about David repenting after murdering Bathsheba’s husband..I’d say it’s relevant here), Isaiah 53:10 (Jesus was our guilt offering).

  20. Jeanne

    Beth,

    I know how much courage it took for you to write about your abortion on this website. There are many reason way we do the things that we do.

    All I always wanted was a family. I was with my boyfriend for 18 years and I was not 18 either when I had my abortion. He had two children from his prior marriage and did not want more children. He said he loved me. He would say “I will kill or die for you”, yet he would never asked to marry him.

    When I found out I was pregnant I was so happy. When I told Him he said nothing but a few days later he made it clear he did not want more kids. After all thees years I thought he would change his mind. I was afraid of being alone. I did not want to lose him. Not only that I had told my family about pregnancy and later about abortion. I panicked and agreed to have a abortion. I know how much I have hurt my family.

    We split for a wile and then went back, but it was never the same. He drank and I hated myself. I knew I was going to hell. I left this was my chance to be a mom and I gave it away. All I could do is to pray I never stop praying hoping some how God would help me and forgive me. I had my moments…. I thought I would drive my car in to a barrier it would be so easy and would be the end of it. But then I thought about it I might kill some one behind me. I have always felt this was the biggest mistake of my life.

    Also, shortly after we split, my ex-boyfriend married some one else so much for “I will kill or die for you”.

    Through all of this I had put my won family through a lot. Yet my family still loves me.

    I have no children and I am married now. My husband knows my past. There are times in my life when I see a child a say my child would be about the same age. My husband and I hope to adopt and still pray that God would give us a child.

    I also went to Project Rachael retreat of post abortion healing. I have named my child Michael, and there is not a day that I don’t think about him. If Project Rachel is where you live, I would highly recommend to see if you can attend a retreat yourself.

    I am telling you this because I understand how you feel. I hope this helps. God does forgive. It took a long time for me to figure it out. It does not mean I have forgotten.

    Beth you are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever would like to talk to me in private, feel free to e-mail me at eugenia@healing-after-abortion.com

  21. Beth

    No i didnt grown up in “church” background. A small town that relies on church alot i suppose. My parents now are very into church now, but never were growning up.
    My ex did not believe in God, well i think he did, but said he didnt. He made some good points and its scary to believe. All I know right now, this minute is that I dont want forgiveness….I just dont. NOTHING will change my decision. NOTHING will undo my feelings of guilt and just heavy heart…..I cant talk to my friends anymore, I am just cutting contact. I tried to talk to my best friend, but I cant….I cant believe that everyone thought that this was the right decision…and I LISTEN to them. The ONE time I listen to them…lol it is so pathetic …its unbelieveable really. My sister and friends and family told me for years that he was no good, but no I stood by his side….no one knew hime like me right? Well finallly I listen to them….and they still stand behind their decision, they feel bad for me… but they still think that it was the right thing? How can killing a child EVER be the right thing?
    Do I believe if God forgave me, I thought so…but i dont know. I dont hear anything, I dont know anything. I’m just scared…scared of being alone, of never having a family, or being like this for the rest of my life…even though i keep telling myself that i deserve it. That i deserve to be alone while my ex is now married with an instant family of three kids. Happy. And hating me. I cant blame him, I HATE me. I was so mean to him in the end, when he was “trying” to come back….but Ihad given him a chance over and over and over again…what would make this any different. And it wasnt he still left me for her.
    I dont know why i made the choices i made…fear, anger, medical reasons….but none of them are good enough….and i cant change the fact taht i was this weak weak pathetic woman.

  22. Jason

    Welcome to the human race. You are fallible after all…. People make mistakes. That’s not a cop out. It’s the truth. You made this mistake for the same reasons that anyone does anything. Because you listened to someone else other than God. Your not the only one who has done this. Millions of women have done this. You may not know it but what you are trying to do is punish yourself so that it will somehow pay God back for the sin you committed. You are trying to imprison yourself for a crime. You are rejecting God’s grace and mercy. That child is in heaven right now dancing and singing. Why cry about that? Accept your humanity, accept God’s grace and forgiveness, forgive yourself. I know that isn’t easy but plunge yourself into prayer, fasting, and God’s word. You will see the light and will be filled with joy, peace, and love.

  23. Jason

    Ask God to reveal his grace. Get in the word like you never have before. Refuse to let this end your life. Fight, Fight, Fight! Do not let the guilt suck you in. You need to ask yourself if you really believe in God or not. Do not let your feelings define your life. Stand on God’s word. Isaiah 43:25 says ” “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake and remembers your sins no more.” Do you believe the word of God or not. I promise you you will get tired of living like you are and you will want to live on. Accept responsibility, repent and move on. It’s the only mature thing to do.

  24. Beth

    I have bad days, and then really really bad days. And when I feel ok and make it through the day with no big deal..i feel guilty. I see all my friends who have kids, those that are now divorced and still they were able to make the decision to keep their baby, why was I so weak? Why couldnt i do it when thats all I ever wanted?

  25. Jason

    You were weak because you are human. Humans are weak. I’ve learned that in the areas I’m strong in my life, someone else is weak and where I’m weak other people are strong. That’s why we need each other in life to help each other along the way. I think you are just going to have to decide am I going to live my life and get all I can out of it or not. When you reach that point of desperation you will see light. I have to commend you for reaching out though. It’s hard to talk about, I know, but keeping it all inside is only going to make things worse.

  26. Jason

    I know it hurts. Know that you didn’t get into this situation by just one decision and you won’t get out of it with just one decision either. This is a recovery PROCESS. There was a series of events that led to this decision and there will be a series of events that lead to your recovery. I don’t believe you want to live like this for the rest of your life. The five stages of grief are Denial/Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It sounds like you may still be in that first stage. It’s ok. Give yourself time and you will progress. There are millions and millions of people all over the world who are dealing with this as well, you are not alone. You should find a support group or clinic in your area to go to which will provide you with acceptance and community..one good one is Operation Outcry. They specialize in helping women and men cope with an abortion. There are people who live great lives after an abortion and you can too but you must make that choice. If you have a best friend who you love and will tell you the truth no matter what…hold on to them for dear life. Surround yourself with people like that who love you and will tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it. I wouldn’t give two cents for someone who coddles me on the way to hell…you know what I mean?

  27. Water

    Beth, i am going through the same thing right now. Mine was about 1 month ago and each day since this happened I keep asking myself how I could have made such a decision. I keep waking up with nightmares and cannot make it through most days. The only thing keeping me going is my faith in God. I made the decision out of fear, selfishness and believing in my mind that I could not raise a child who had special needs/medical conditions.

    Jason is right. We don’t think we are capable of making such big mistakes and when we do we are shocked at how weak we are. I know that God knows what is in our hearts and he knows how much I regret the decision. I don’t know how to heal at this moment other than asking God for forgiveness and praying that he bestows that upon all of us. Please ask him for the same and surround yourself with family who loves you. I will pray for you and hope you can find peace.

  28. Jason Barrett

    I know. It will be hard for a while. You are in the first of the 5 stages of grief. Admitting you feel pain is a step in the right direction. You will live through this. You will raise your head to the sun and be filled with joy again. Nothing is too hard for God.

  29. Water

    I went through a similar situation recently and the only thing helping me through this is the mercy and grace of God. I completely regret my decision which I made because I was told something was wrong with the baby. I should have never taken that decision, but I somehow justified it at the time. I know I cannot take back the decision, but God knows what is in my heart and what I am feeling. I wish I would have been closer to God when I made this decision, but I was not and made a selfish decision out of fear of not being able to handle the situation. The only thing I can do now is become more God conscious with every decision I make and ask God for his forgiveness. In my religion we are taught God is most merciful most gracious and he forgives all sins if we repent and sincerely ask. Put yourself in God’s hands and He will take care of you for He is most Gracious most Merciful. God loves us and knows we sin. He also loves when a servant sincerely repents. God does not benefit from us, but we benefit from loving him and relying on him. I’ve asked God to keep me on the straight path and I will do my best to follow.

  30. Beth

    I feel like that is a cop out. I know that sounds horrible, but I feel like i should be punished. All I think about now is that i am getting to old to have children and that is my punishment and i dont know if i can handle that. I think about the father and i feel sooooo horrible for him, he wanted to keep the baby and i was just so selfish. I cant believe that I acted the way i did.

  31. Jason

    We all make mistakes. Some big and costly, some small and insignifigant. You made a bad mistake. There are millions of other women and men who have done this. It’s nothing new. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last. Like I said earlier, sooner or later you will be at the end of this rope and you will want to get on with your life. When you get there, you will truly heal.

  32. Vlad

    Beth,

    Accepting God’s forgiveness and forgiving yourself is the furthest thing of a “cop out”. In fact it is absolutely necessary step to take for many reasons, and many women will tell you it is probably one of the most difficult things they have done.

    If you don’t and have a child, the relationship with your living child is running a risk of being messed up unless you are reconcile with the one that was aborted. Coup outs are easy, this is not.

    As far as your former boyfriend is concerned, leaving you and going to be with another woman when you told him you where pregnant is not the best way tell assure he wanted to keep the baby.

    As Water says, God knows your heart, he sees it all and he knows how sorry you are and how much pain you going through every day. God wants none of his children to suffer like that.

  33. Beth

    Its been a while since I have been on here…Had some bad days and some that I dont think about it constantly. Been working alot…cant believe I’m going to be 32 and I had a chance to have an 8 month old right now…..It makes me very sad….and lonely. Pretty much just working all day long to where i am just exhausted when I come home….so I dont think so heavly on the loss….By now…most my friends now and even some family….everyone has been very understanding and keeps reaffirming I made the right decision…I’m still in protest…but its hard to keep protesting cause there is nothing I can do to change it. Found myself continuing to make poor decisions…so working on loving myself enough to not be so self destructive. But its hard….its an everyday struggle to not take the easy road. All I keep thinking is that I am 31 with no boyfriend…lost all my 20′s and no children…Who is going to want me? But its just something I have to live with, that maybe this is MY consequence to MY decision….
    But I do thank everyone for your comments.

  34. Jason

    Beth, It makes me very happy to hear some progress. The willingness to not have destructive thoughts is a big step in the right direction. It sounds like your still in the first stage of grief:Denial. Nothing you do will make this go away. As hard as it is you will have to look at this in the face. For the longest time you have allowed the guilt of having done it control you. When you’re ready, you will have enough confidence to stand up turn around and look at this thing in the face and come to terms with, accept, and forgive yourself for what happened. I recently had a surgery where the surgeon left the wound open. Just like wounds on our body heal from the inside out so do emotional and mental wounds. This will require you to forceably dig deep in to your past to the root of the cause of what led to your abortion and forgive. You will heal. It’s just a matter of time.

  35. Erica

    Beth,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am here to listen if you need someone. You can e-mail me at LadyDowney@yahoo.com and I will give you my phone number.

    I know it is way more important for me to listen rather than talk, but I do want to say a few things….

    There is nothing you can say to God that will make Him love you any less- only more. He already knows everything anyway, he was right there with you this whole time- He has never left you and have and will never stop loving you.

    You need to give yourself the chance to love your baby and grieve for her. You will be reunited with her one day in heaven, where she is waiting for you- loving and forgiving you already. She’d be happy to hear from you- talk to her- feel that connection.

    Having faith is believing in and loving the unseen….let yourself love her and let yourself feel her love and God’s love.

    Please let me know if you would like to talk.

    -Erica

  36. yolanda benjamin

    I have had 4 abortions, 1 miscarry and an identical twin who died at 5 days old, and I can speak of it because I know I have been healed. I have 3 boys and 3 girls who are waiting for our reunion in heaven. I was guilty of murder and through a Memorial Session that I attended I found freedom through the power of God’s love. I know hold these sessions for women who want to be set free from the shadow and hold of abortion. Yes it’s a process but these sessions are powerful and a good place to start to face the post abortion syndromes. We deal with the guilt, shame, blame and unforgiveness we hold on to. We end it with a memorial on behalf of our babies to give them the dignity, honor and respect they so deserve. What a day filled with God’s love and the love we find for our unborn. We find they truly wait for us in heaven without condemnation towards us. Because in heaven there is only love and God tells them that we are forgiven and that we are his washed by his blood to make us whole. That’s why I know I will see them again someday and I am excited for that heavenly reunion where they are in no pain and or dismembered. I’m free because whom the Son set free is free indeed!

    You can contact me via email at yo@truthministries.us or visit our site, http://www.truthministries.us

    thank you

  37. JJ

    Hi, i have a Russian friend who is a sex worker. She had sex with a korean client on September. I am not sure whelther his client deliberately used a broken condom or a condom which is broken during sex. When she discovered she was pregnant, it was already 4 weeks. Now, it is entering into the fifth week. Personally, she is a good girl. She don’t smoke, don’t drink , don’t do drugs and don’t even killed an ant in her life. She just owns a significant amount of money which she must pay back and that’s why she enters into this vice. She told me that his korean customer promises to take responsible if she is pregnant. But now, she tried to call the Korean man, the man refused to pick up her phone. She tried to email him also but there is no reply. She was in a very pity state now because she was not sure whether to undergo abortion or not. Most of her friends advise her not to undergo abortion while some advise her to do otherwise. When i spoke with her over the phone, she was crying a lot. All she wants is for that Korean Man to take responsible because she was afraid she could not give her baby a good life even if the korean man may not love her, it’s okay. She told me that a Korean/Russian mixed race baby was very cute and ask me why his client not want, his client is also not married. As you may know, Russians belong to Eastern Orthodox Church, in fact, any religion, which i think forbid killings. I think she really can’t bear to undergo abortion especially she told me she felt something in her body, an innocent life. But at the same time she wonders whether she could take good care of a baby as a single mother. I feel sad for her and do not know how to console her. Does anybody here has a good advice for her ? Your advice is appreciated.

    JJ.

  38. Erica

    JJ,

    Has she considered adoption? If she is open to adoption, she can take peace in knowing she gave her baby life but would not have the responsiblity of raising her child if she is not ready. If she is in the US, open adoptions are great because you can pick the family your child would have.

    If she is not open to adoption, there are many resources available to help raise children. She needs to find a good social worker.

    If she is already having negative thoughts about abortion, they should only get worse.

    Even though it feels like the end of the world and that there aren’t any optoins- there are. She just needs someone to support her and show her it will be okay. And most of all that she does not need an abortion to make it okay!

    Good luck!!

  39. meg

    reading your thoughts about abortion is really helpful. I was 20 when i did an abortion of a 5th month old child. I am a nursing graduate of 2007 and i’m from Philippines. I know it was the worst mistake to do. If i could only turn back time I will choose to pursue my pregnancy than to end it up. I thought by taking away from my responsibilities as a mother will end my difficulties but i was wrong. The mental suffering after i did an abortion is greater than when i was pregnant. I didn’t know that i will suffer more when i chose abortion over continuing the baby. Everyday as i wake up, as i open my eyes i hear my conscience. I am different now. I am living with desperation. Due to body changes i became insecure in all aspects. This is not me anymore. Before i had my pregnancy i am competitive, confident and humble to other people but after i did an abortion I feel i have no use and i am really feel ashame to all the people that surrounds me and to myself. I was too young when i got pregnant and i’m not ready yet to become a mother that’s why i committed an abortion. I know i am stupid. I was too weak. I did not listen to the inner thoughts that God will not give me a problem that i couldn’t stand. I am 25 now but until now i cannot move on and choose to dwell from my mistake. I tried to apply in a company but i was refused when the company nurse did a physical exam and found out that i had an abortion. How can i deny that i don’t have yet a child when the evidence speaks for itself — my body. and how can i admit that i’m already a mother when i don’t have any stitches. That’s the reason why until now i can’t move on. I want to work. I want to live. I want to help my family. I want to have use. I am hopeless. I feel i have no use. I felt ashamed when the nurse found out that i had an abortion. I can’t tell a lie that i just had a miscarriage instead of saying i had an abortion. I don’t smoke, drink or don’t have any vices. I have good records on school. I strive a lot on studying. All the hardships has no use. I felt no one was there for me when i had my pregnancy. My father and i were not in a good condition at that time because i was molested by him several times. He was a drug addict. But now i learned to forgive him because i realized the sin that i committed was heavier than the sin he committed. But now he’s not a drug addict anymore. At that time i felt my mother wasn’t on my side. She did nothing when i told her the first time i was molested. My boyfriend is a year elder than me but we were so young when i had a pregnancy. I want to be healed. i want to move on. I want to see hope that i still have use. I need your encouraging words. appreciated.

  40. JB

    @ Meg. I’m a guy, so I don’t have the women’s perspective on this but having done terrible things in my life I can tell you this… As people, the guilt we feel from doing things bad things in life varies. Our society has trained us that some things aren’t as bad as others. That’s not true but that’s the world we live in. Now, to your issue, First off, It does sound like you are placing some of the blame on your parents. You may not really, but it sounds that way. I think you have to let that stuff go and take full responsibility for it. They didn’t make you have the abortion, you did it all on your own. As adults, we have to take full responsibility for the actions we take in life. You may have been young and stupid but in the end you’re the one who has to bear the consequences of your actions. Secondly, read and study in the bible about what Love and Forgiveness really means. Learn how to love and forgive yourself. You’ve heard the old saying, “if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else”. It’s true, the same goes for forgiveness. I’m not going to blow sunshine at you because it’s going to be a long hard road but in the end you have to come to the point where you say to yourself “i’m tired of letting myself be dragged down by my past. I’m not proud of it, i’ve repented before God and I’m going to receive God’s forgiveness and move on with my life”. If you don’t, you will never be able to have happiness. There’s going to be hills and valleys and if you face them with determination that you are not going to let your past define you, then you will be the person you want to be. Thirdly, you can do your own research and find out that the emotional effects you are experiencing are normal for women who have had abortions. Don’t hold it all inside, talk to someone…preferably someone who is educated in counseling like a psychiatrist, psychologist. Fourth, if you aren’t already, start taking care of your body. Work out. That let’s off some emotional stress and helps you get your mind and body to a place where you are ready to face the challenges ahead. I know this may sound harsh I’m sorry if it does but I feel you need some straight talk. You can do it. It’s up to you.

  41. luis

    my ex girlfriend and i recently had an abortion. she resents me for this, i supported her choice. now we are apart. i love her soo much and want to help her but, she pushes me away. what can i do? help please!!

  42. teresa

    That sounds familiar. I think that is what my husband would say but we never talk about it and I still think about it all the time.
    I had an abortion 27 years ago and at times I am still so overcome with sadness and self-hatred. How could I be so weak?? Why didn’t I believe in myself and my ability to make it? Why didn’t I confide in my Mother–had she known she would have supported me and WE WOULD have MADE IT!! To top it all off I ended up marrying the father. We have two boys and have been married for 26 years. We had only been dating 6 weeks when I found out I was pregnant. He got really upset and told me he was not ready to be a father!! I wasn’t sure how things were going to go an felt I could barely take care of myself, let alone a baby by myself! I didn’t trust in my capabilities. I wish I would have said “With you or without you, I am having this baby”. and let the chips fall where they may. Woulda, shoulda, coulda…I learned the hard way that the word “abortion” and all the rhetoric that came with it, after all was said and done, it still was killing a living being. People still defend it. “it is a woman’s right…but they don’t get it. They didn’t kill anyone. You never forget. EVER. I didn’t get that either. But I do now. It is being able to forgive yourself that is so tough. You can’t undo it. Ever. In my heart I believe that baby was a girl. I just want to take this time to tell her that I am so sorry, with all of my heart, that I was not a stronger person. I love her and regret my decision. She will forever be in my heart and my thoughts. I learned a very important lesson the hard way. Always be true to yourself and believe in yourself. Do what you can live with. Ask for help. Find a way. Even if you don’t have a supportive family, create a supportive network of friends. Do what it takes. Then you will have no regrets. Life may not be easy, but you will at least have made all of your own decisions and been determined to make it. As soon as we were done we knew it was the wrong decision. But it was too late. Your ex probably wishes you both had been stronger and made the “right” decision. That is the irony. We did it to make our lives easier. Thinking that we could “erase” it. Instead it leaves a wound in us that we spend the rest of our lives trying to heal.

  43. Lindsay Martinez

    “God I come before you in the name of Your Son Jesus who died on the cross for my sins. I acknowledge my sin of abortion. I am truly sorry. Please forgive me….

    “By Your grace I will never repeat the sin of abortion. With Your help, I will endeavor to influence others to choose life. Now I ask you, Lord, help me to forgive myself. The hurt I have held in place of the baby I once carried, I now release to You. Please heal my heart and help me move away from the pain of my past. Amen.”

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