November 3, 2006
While many on the left argue about possible “benefits” of embryonic research, without providing a solid evidence to back their rhetorics, health of women is already at risk. Donating embryos is not as safe as one may think. Women are dying and being left with serious complications donating eggs.
Today I came across this great post by Annie at After Abortion Blog, and I new right away I have o share it with my readers. It is great to know that not all celebrities are on the left. Great post Annie!
Posted in Embryonic Research, Friends, Grandparents, Men, Siblings, Women 
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November 3, 2006
After reviewing the logs on my website, I realized that I have beginning to get approximately 25-70 visitors a day, for a very short time of this website’s life it is a good achievement.
I would like to offer an opportunity to post abortion ministries across the world to be featured on my website. Pleas contact me with information about your particular ministry at feedback@healing-ater-abortion.com. Please provide your contact information, whether or not you offer retreats if you do please e-mail the dates of your upcoming retreats, if you offer support groups the days and times when your support groups meet.
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November 3, 2006
Often women who have been through and abortion can experience flashbacks to the procedure. These can come in the time least expected and can even contribute to the dynamics of relationship. Little things like noise of a vacuum cleaner, can remind you of the suction equipment, music that was played in the waiting room or during the procedure or even treats like cookies and candy’s you ate in the recovery room. The flashback can be even triggered by a visito to emergency room while sitting in the waiting room. Sometimes the flash backs can be quiet intense and can almost “freeze” you up.
The flashbacks can take you back to also events preceding the abortion as well and sometimes these flash back can be innocently caused by the people you love and love you. Unfortunately they can affect you new relationships and sometimes even prevent you from having real relationships. As long as there is something you hide and your new boyfriend or husband has no idea what is being hidden from them, they may think that they are doing something wrong, but the truth is that they are not. I am not saying that one should go around and tell the entire world that you have had an abortion, not at all. You are entitled to your privacy, and hopefully there is a kind of unconditional trust in your new relationship that no explanation is needed. It is more important for a woman herself to understand why she reacts to certain “triggers”, it will help not get get cut off guard when a flashback comes back again.
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November 3, 2006
My childhood was brutal. I was abandoned by my father when I was two-and-a-half. Then when he reappeared in my life again at the age of eight, it became worse. I survived incest, starvation, and beatings.
I clung to life. It was my two abortions that nearly destroyed me.
When I became pregnant for the fifth time in seven years, my doctor asked me if I really thought I should “continue the pregnancy.” Abortion had never occurred to me until he suggested it.
My husband said, “It’s your decision. Do what you want,” and left for work. Naively, I began looking for women who had had abortions. But I couldn’t find anyone who would admit to having had one. I asked my doctor and he said, “It only takes a few minutes and it’s over.”
Having already had four babies, I am now appalled at how ignorant I was about fetal development. My doctor said the baby–at six-and-a-half weeks–was “just a blob,” and I believed him. Afterwards, before I even got home, I began to cry. It didn’t help.
When finally I stopped crying on the outside, I kept crying on the inside. I felt so dirty and alone. Something deep inside of me froze, I think. I dreamed a lot about snow and ice, as well as about babies. I felt cheated, betrayed, and manipulated.
I went to counseling and the psychologist said, “forgive yourself,” and “let yourself go on.” She didn’t say how.
Two years later, I had another abortion as an act of self-punishment. I wanted to die, or at least go crazy so I could escape the torment, the nightmares about babies, the self-disgust and the degradation I felt.
Read the entire story at Elliot Institute’s Website
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November 2, 2006
Now that I have moved my website from WordPress.com I was able to add new features to it. In my journey of healing after abortion expressing what I felt was very healing. After years of bottling up the emotions I was finally able to let them go. I was fortunate enough to find women that felt the same and talking to them helped a lot. But you can’t talked about everything and sometimes I wrote. I wrote letters, dairies- although they have never been read by anyone, they did help to get some things out of my heart.
I have created a forum on my website where people can express they feelings, whatever those might be, grief, sadness and even anger. Forum, so far, is the only major addition to my website, so please feel free to check it out.
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November 2, 2006
Women suffer physically and spiritually after abortion, and there is much written about post abortion healing and how many women come forth talking about their abortions and guiding others on the path of healing. When it comes to men these area is not that much explored yet. Although men do not carry the physical effects after abortion, some are deeply affected emotionally and spiritually by it and need healing.
The process of men’s grieve can be coupled with an expectation that they should be the strong ones. Our society looks with suspicion at women who grieve after abortion, never mind men. Never the less men do need to grieve. Generally men can be divided into several different categories, they are close tied into the level of their participation in abortion.
Men that demanded/forced abortion.
This category encompasses men who demanded that abortion would take place. It could have been a father that was not happy about his daughter relationship(s), and when she became pregnant he offered her a “choice” to have an abortion or to get out of his house. It could have been a boyfriend that threatened to leave. Few men in this category come to regret the abortion, except maybe some fathers that force their daughter to abort, or contributed to abortion by portraying a “strict conservative”. Later down the road they may come to regret, and will need some help to heal. When it comes to boyfriends/partners who threatened to leave, these will live the relationships sooner or later and very few of them will come to regret, or show their regret.
Men that were “supportive”.
This category encompasses men who new that pregnancy took place, but have proclaimed that woman has right over her body and she can do whatever she wants with it, even if they felt it was wrong. Larger percentage of men from this category will come to regret the abortion and look for the way of healing. Their grief may also be coupled with feeling of not being strong enough. While some women looking to justify their abortion by stating “It is my body, I can do anything I want with it”, many of them feel it is wrong and when they find the they partner supports their decision, they may become disappointed, since in their eyes this kind of support equals to the lack of character.
Men that knew about pregnancy and were against abortion.
Men in this category often find themselves grieving much quicker then other men. They may often respond with anger and even may become violent. This is due to the fact that while they wanted the baby, abortion took place against their will and they feel powerless.
Men that did not know that abortion took place.
The category can be actually divide into two. Men who new of pregnancy, but found out after the fact that abortion took place and men who were not aware of either pregnancy or abortion and found out later. The grieving process for these men can be complicated by the feeling of being betrayed.
No matter to which category they belong, whenever they are beginning to regret abortion they need support and care as women do. There is one book titled “Fatherhood Aborted” that I would recommend to any men who is struggling with abortion aftermath:
Many postabortive men harbor a deep-down conviction that they don’t deserve the company of a “good” woman. As a result, they instinctively keep their distance from women who have it together.
Some guys gravitate to women who are needy. If a postabortive man marries a more healthy, stable, capable woman, he may maintain an emotional barrier to keep her out of certain rooms in his soul. It’s almost a religious commitment for him to protect his secret! Obviously, this can lead to severe problems in marriage.
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November 2, 2006
“How can you deny an abortion to a twelve-year-old girl who is the victim of incest?” complains an indignant supporter of abortion. “And how can you call yourself a loving Christian if you would force a victim of violent rape to give birth to a rapist’s child?” Every pro-lifer has heard these same challenges in one form or another. They are the emotionally charged questions designed to prove either 1) that pro-lifers are insensitive “fetus lovers,” 2) or ethically inconsistent, allowing abortion for some circumstances but not others. Unfortunately, most pro-lifers have difficulty answering these challenges because the issue of sexual assault pregnancies is so widely misunderstood. Typically, both sides of the debate accept the presumption that women with sexual assault pregnancies would want an abortion and that the abortion would in some way help them to recover from the assault. Thus, the pro-lifer is left in the uncomfortable position of arguing that the sanctity of life is more important than the needs of the sexual assault victim with whom everyone should rightly sympathize….
You can read the entire article of David C. Reardon, Ph.D., at Elliot Institute’s website. It is one of the best articles ever written regarding the issue.
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November 1, 2006
Imagine a car going 80 miles per hour and then comes to sudden stop caused by a solid wall. The picture to the right shows what can happened to that car. One can only imagine what may have happen to people inside that car.
During the pregnancy woman’s body is set in motion that will last and continually change over the period of the entire 40 weeks of pregnancy. There is not a single part of the womans body that is not touched by these changes. The changes rage from visible signs to invisible changes in hormones. This process begins at the very moment of conception some effects last beyond pregnancy.
During pregnancy breasts are changing do to hormones (estrogen) that are preparing for the future nourishment of her child. Her hear must work harder, to provide more blood flow to the uterus, generally the amount of blood pumped by a heart of woman that is pregnant increases by 30 to 50%. Like the heart, her kidneys work harder to filter increasing amount of blood. The increased production of progesterone sends a signal to her brain to lower the amount of carbon dioxide in the blood, as a result pregnant woman breathes faster and deeper in order to exhale carbon dioxide. Her digestive system is affected and many women report unusual cravings for different foods and of course “mornig sickness” is caused by changes in digestive system. Virtually every hormone in her body is affected.
An abortion puts a sudden stop to all these changes. No one in their right mind could argue that abortion has no affects on woman’s body. In fact it is like driving a car straight into a solid wall. But even in such accidents there may be a miracle of survival. There is not such miracle for a woman that has gone through an abortion, it does not turn the clock back and make her “un-pregnant”. But what is most upholding is that so called “doctors” can lie time and over again that abortion will not affect you at all.
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November 1, 2006
Every woman walking into an abortion clinic is greeted by a lie. “99.9% of women”, she is being told “have not experienced any complications, in fact most of the women can feel a relief after the procedure”. But they never mention that this so called relief leaves you absolutely empty inside, stripped of your dignity. Yes even of that little dignity that is being provided to you, by offering you too keep your own socks. I never understood why would they have you keep your own socks on while dressed in the surgical gown, but this was the last you of your dignity before it is completely stripped away- your own socks.
The relief you may feel after the abortion is very deceiving, it is temporary and if it lasts few days you will be very lucky.
They told you that 99.9% of women do not experience any complication. But they don’t tell you that down the road your heart will be torn apart. They never tell you to expect dreams of babies. They never tell you that some times you will hear a baby cry when there is no baby around. They never tell you that every time you see a child, your heart will sink and you will wonder “How would my child looked like?” And you can’t share it with no one since you have been told that 99.9% of women are just fine, and you begin to believe that you are the only one these things are happening to.
Why am I writing these things? Many reasons. If you are a woman that have had an abortion you will now what I am taking about. If you have not come to peace yet, you should know that there are people willing to help you and you are not alone.
I am writing this also for women that may be faced with the choice of abortion. I don’t know your situation and but I can understand it is not a simple one. You may consider and abortion out of the fear that your parents would find out that you are pregnant. Maybe your boyfriend is threatening to leave you. I probably will never know what is your situation. If you are reading this I would like you to know that there are other options. If your particular situation is stressful and you feel like you are being pressured by others to have an abortion, think about some one you may be able to trust and turn to. Maybe a member of your family or a friend. In your area there may be places and people that can provide you with assistance and help.
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November 1, 2006
Number of women after having terminated pregnancy through abortion may become overwhelmed with guilt and may become pregnant again desiring to replace the child lost. While some of the women carry the second baby to terms, studies have shown that most of the second abortions take place within a year of the first one. If the pregnancy does take place as a result of desire to replace a child it definitely should be treated as a “crisis” pregnancy, with much needed support and tender loving care, otherwise repeated abortion may take place.
In spite of what is being told about abortion, its aftereffects are profound and our society has not began yet to fully realize the extent of damage abortion can cause. If an abortion has taken place in a marriage it is very likely to disrupt the dynamics of a healthy and happy family. It is particularly true if subsequent children were born out of desire to replace what was lost to the abortion. But it does not affect only children that are born after an abortion, it affects children that were born before as well. Some children may develop a “survival syndrome”, while not being a medical or psychological term, it definitely exists in many children that were affected by abortion. These children will do just anything they can in order to please their parents and people around them. They often may feel that they can not do enough to earn respect and love. But on the other hand if a child is misbehaving and call for some discipline and reprimand, parents may be so overwhelmed with guilt over past abortion that hesitate to reprimand the child when they called to so. This inability to discipline and reprimand the child can be present in parent-child relationship in both with children that were born before abortion as well as with children that were born after.
Children that are born after abortion, and in particular children that were born out of desire to replace a child lost, may go through some very difficult times in their relationships with their parents. One of the most difficult parts that parents need to learn that nothing will ever replace what was lost. This can be done by acknowledging that what was lost was very precious, unique and irreplaceable, and help bring a closure. Many teenagers have asked “Why don’t you accept me for who I am?!” While this kind of question can be result of a rebellion stage of their lives, one can not help but wonder whether the parents see in this child some one else? Not only did they see some one else, but it is very possible they wanted to be that child some one else. In the mind of parents the child, that would have been born if abortion did not take place, is better and the child that they have never meets their expectations.
To brake through this kind of vicious cycle, the couple who may have had an abortion would need some deep soul searching and maybe some professional help as well. The good news that there are many people today who come forth and talk about their personal experience of abortion and its aftereffects on their lives. The support groups are being formed around the world where people help each other on the path of healing after abortion.
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